Guest Blog By Jeff: Tuba City Edition

Ah, the Quality Inn of Tuba City. Our room, upon checking in yesterday, was home to ant(s) and a giant urine stain on the bowl. Good stuff. Before I continue with that, I just want to recap a bit of our trip from a different perspective. The White Castle Hall of Fame is surreal. It could more accurately be called a Wall of Fame. Here's hoping Jon makes it in: keep your fingers crossed, kids. Chicago, as Jon has said, was wonderful. I thoroughly enjoyed it there. The accommodations were right in the heart of the city, close to Wrigley. It was a shame to not get into the game, but I believe I killed the brain cells that remember the only letdown of that part of the trip. In Denver the former Real World house has been turned into a ridiculous martini bar in which the booths have curtains. You know, so you can close them and pretend you're... in the shower, I guess? Hey, look at me, I'm drinking my 15 dollar martini in the shower. I'm important.
Yellowstone was fantastic, though we could have seen more animals. I would have not, however, liked to see any bears. It's my one phobia. I don't mind heights, spiders, or snakes, but bears are where I take a stand, sir. No bears! I believe that is because they begin eating you from the legs. So one last thought that I do not want to have is, "Well, he should be getting to my balls soon." So that's my number one way in which I do not want to die. In no particular order, rounding out the top five are: meat grinder, printing press, falling piano, and in the war in Iraq.
I think it's funny that if a bear attacks, you are not supposed to drop your pack, because then bears will learn that it's an easy way to get food from humans. Uh huh.... I would throw my pack, the pope, and Angelina Jolie and her twin babies at a bear in order to get away. I'll buy a new backpack safely at home. Did you know that there's such a thing as bear mace? My god, why do I not have this stuff with me at all times?
Today was the Grand Canyon, or as the Navajo call it, Giant Money Hole. We hiked about a mile and a half down, which equates to 30,000 miles back up. I can't say I enjoyed the hike, but I am extremely glad we did it, because I really need the exercise. We unfortunately didn't see much wildlife here as well, which was terrible, because I wanted to use my bear mace and bear machine gun on a bear, and possibly a squirrel. I wonder if bear mace is effective on other wildlife?
Well, that's about it from me for today. The trip is great, we're getting along very well, and Rassie is a reliable transport. California astern. Depending on which way you face.